SO THAAAAAAT'S WHY I WALK AROUND IN CIRCLES

12 years ago I had a car accident, and when the chiropractor x-rayed me I had shrunk by a centimetre and a half, and my body's vertical axis had slid to the right and twisted, so that my natural line of balance involved leaning forward and to the left like some sort of physical representation of the Greens.

Yesterday, after a gap of four years or so, my new chiropractor x-rayed me-- I have lumbar pain and dysplasia that would impress the dancing skeletons in a Disney movie-- and discovered something that had been hidden by the car crash damage.

My left leg is almost two centimetres shorter than my right. and what's more, it always has been. There's some medical name for it that I missed because I was too busy goggling at the x-ray, but what it amounts to is this:

All the calf-tightness and cramping I experience when I was playing sport: this.

The lumbar pain and excessive bowing of my lower back: in part, this.

The degenerative arthritis that's beginning to effect my lowest vertebrae: 40 years of this.

My excessive weight gain over the past ten years: naaaaah, that's just me.

So here's me-- fat, middle-aged and wonky. And wondering why nobody ever played me on the right wing....

Me and a few mates. Owned by Disney. Aren't we all?