NEW HEAD

I turn 38 next month. I started wearing glasses when I was 11, after my teacher noticed me leaning forward and squinting to see words written on the blackboard, even though I sat in the front row. For all of those years, with slight changes for fashion, I've worn essentially the same style of glasses- simple, rounded frames, with a decent amount of lens below and outside the eyes for peripheral vision. The last time I replaced them, the optometrist called me old fashioned. This, I assumed, was her attempt at customer service.

This week, however, I replaced my scratched, wobbly and ailing visual aids, and discovered that the style I have worn for 27 years is no longer available. They don't make 'em no more. Now that's old fashioned. I had to strike out into new ocular territory. Suddenly, half an hour was added to my shopping trip. I had to actually look at what was on the shelves.

If I can quote Randy 'Macho man' Savage, and I think I can: Oooooh, trep-iDATIOUS is the word.

Anyway, down below is a picture of the pair that Lyn and the optometrist decided suits me best: half-frame sort of trapezoidy lensed in a couple of shades of dark grey. A new pair of glasses changes the look of your face- it covers different areas, highlights others. People tend to see the glasses rather than the general layout of the face behind them. A new style of glasses does the same, only more so. I knew I was overweight (I mean, duh), but to me, this pair shows up just how fat my face is. There's less to hide behind, more left open. A new style of glasses, and it's changed the nature of my face, and that's an odd feeling. Erin is convinced that my eyebrows are darker, for example. But they're a permanent fixture now: lighter than my old pair, stronger, and much clearer. That alone is an improvement

Now all I need to do is lose 50 kilos from my head......

Now you see why Michael T Weiss is so upset...