Friday, April 17, 2015

FETISH FRIDAY: KAARON WARREN

I'm running a new series of guest posts throughout 2015: Fetish Friday. Don't get all sweaty in the pants—I’m going back to an older definition of the word, and asking artists to show us something that helps them with the ritual of creation, some part of their surroundings—physical or mental—that eases the path into the creative state, whether it be a location, a piece of music, person, picture, a doohickey, whatnot, curio or ornament without which the creative process would be a whole lot more difficult.

This week we say hello to author, friend, lovely lady and awards hoover, Kaaron Warren:



I’m obsessed with other people’s collections. More particularly, other people’s discarded collections.
I once bought a plastic bag full of recipes torn from magazines dating back to 1963 from the junk stall at a fete. The pile must have sat in someone’s kitchen drawer, being added to day by day, week by week. Then she died (I’m assuming it was a woman. Also assuming she died) and whoever sorted through her stuff lifted the lot out, shoved it in a bag and gave it away.

I wrote a story about the recipes but sadly they didn’t survive. A rat died in the box I kept them in in the shed:



I found this set of old postcards at a school fete. Some of them date back to 1917, but most were written in the 1920s.




On the strength of my research into the cards, I applied for and received a Fellowship at the Museum for Australian Democracy at Old Parliament House. So very worthy five bucks spent there.

When my mother-in-law died, I asked if I could keep her jar of buttons. Every one tells a story, I think. Rescued from beloved clothing, or ready for the sewing of new items.



I did the same with my father-in-law’s rusty tin of rusty drill bits. Projects completed, projects projected; all in this tin.



I work in a second-hand shop once a week, and we see many, many collections come in. Our stuff is sourced at the tip, so this is stuff that’s been literally thrown away, although where I live, people know that the tip keeps the good stuff and people buy it, so it isn’t considered rubbish.

We’ve had 56 owls. 40 rabbits. 30 sake cups, including one that showed a naked woman at the bottom when you filled it with liquid.

And this is a bag of baby teeth that came in with somebody’s discarded jewellery collection. I’m not taking them out of the bag. You can, if you like.







Shirley Jackson Award Winner Kaaron Warren has sold 200 short stories, three novels including the multi-award-winning Slights, and five short story collections including the multi-award-winning Through Splintered Walls and her most recent, The Gate TheoryKaaron is a Current Fellow at MoAD, researching Menzies, William Ashton, and the Granny Killer.You can find her at http://kaaronwarren.wordpress.com/ and she Tweets @KaaronWarren




Are you a creative artist? Fancy joining in and letting us know about that special item, object, location or cosmic state of being at the heart of your creative process? There's always room for another lunatic in the asylum: email me and make your most excited Horshack noise. 

Thursday, April 16, 2015

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY PLAYS THE SPACE JESUS CARD

"Yeah, I know. Funny story..."


So the thing about thumbnails is that they're not finished drawings, so occasionally they ca be rather hard to distinguish.

This is Jesus, dressed in a spacesuit, stepping down from a rope ladder onto the balcony of the Papal palace to say hi to the Pope and a crowd of his little followers. No matter what you think, he is not talking to the Easter Bunny in a box at the theatre.

Although I can't help but think that would have been funnier...



Friday, April 10, 2015

FETISH FRIDAY: TEENA RAFFA-MULLIGAN

I'm running a new series of guest posts throughout 2015: Fetish Friday. Don't get all sweaty in the pants—I’m going back to an older definition of the word, and asking artists to show us something that helps them with the ritual of creation, some part of their surroundings—physical or mental—that eases the path into the creative state, whether it be a location, a piece of music, person, picture, a doohickey, whatnot, curio or ornament without which the creative process would be a whole lot more difficult.


Please welcome Western Australian children's author Teena Raffa-Mulligan:




There’s a little butterfly on the wall just inside the door of my office and that’s probably appropriate because the man in my life says that’s what I am. I suppose it’s an apt enough description. I do flit from one interesting life experience to the next and there’s no question I am a bit of a butterfly when it comes to writing, never settling for long on one project.

That’s not a problem when I’m working on a poem, short story or picture book text. Usually those ideas grab my imagination and won’t let go till I’ve sifted and sorted the words into a satisfying shape. They get stuck in my mind and a lot of the writing gets done off the page while I’m going about my everyday life. I scribble random sentences and paragraphs on scrap paper as they take shape and when I finally sit down at the computer, it’s a bit like doing a jigsaw puzzle. I simply put the various story or poem fragments in the right order and play around with them until all the pieces feel like they’re slotted into the right place.  Easy!






It’s a different story when it comes to writing anything of substantial length. That’s a real challenge for me. The butterfly approach is not recommended. That’s when I do need help. Walking works…so does riding my bike along the beach path, swimming, weeding the garden, sweeping the floor, ironing my clothes. There’s something about getting physical that triggers my creative brain. I don’t consciously think about the next scene of the novel I’m working on but there it is, waiting to be written down. Yet I could sit at the computer all day and be completely lost for words.









So the novels grow slowly and haphazardly. Often I will leave the document file open on my computer and duck in and out of my office as I get ideas for the next paragraph or block of dialogue. Sometimes I do try to be more productive, setting daily word counts and deadlines. It doesn’t work. That’s when I eat, usually almonds and apples. Sometimes cheese or chocolate.








A glance in the direction of the smiling spirit guide drawing on the easel near my desk reminds me there’s no need to force the story – it will come in its own time if I make the space. 





















Teena Raffa-Mulligan is a writer, reader and day dream believer. Her publications include poems, picture books, short stories, early reader chapter books and a novel. 

http://www.teenaraffamulligan.com/











Are you a creative artist? Fancy joining in and letting us know about that special item, object, location or cosmic state of being at the heart of your creative process? There's always room for another lunatic in the asylum: email me and make your most excited Horshack noise. 

Friday, April 03, 2015

FETISH FRIDAY; STEVE CAMERON

I'm running a new series of guest posts throughout 2015: Fetish Friday. Don't get all sweaty in the pants—I’m going back to an older definition of the word, and asking artists to show us something that helps them with the ritual of creation, some part of their surroundings—physical or mental—that eases the path into the creative state, whether it be a location, a piece of music, person, picture, a doohickey, whatnot, curio or ornament without which the creative process would be a whole lot more difficult.






I have plenty of ideas. In fact I have notebooks full of them. Bits of conversation, descriptions of places I’ve visited, titles, names, or incomplete jotted paragraphs. Some will be developed into fully formed stories, other will never see the light of day.

All of them inform my writing.

But an idea is not a story. It needs developing, massaging and cajoling. Sometimes an idea needs a violent collision with another idea. And it often takes time.

Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes it can take months before a story starts to congeal into existence. As I walk my dogs, mow the lawn, or supervise students in exams, I find these ideas invade my thoughts. And I play with them, work with them, evolve them into stories.
But they’re still not written. And they’re not really stories until they’re words on the screen and saved as a completed file.

2014 was a year of change for me. As a writer, I was nowhere near as productive as I would have liked. It frustrated me. I tried different approaches to increase my writing output, but life tended to get in the way. And excuses. Lots of excuses. So I sat down and made a list of all the reasons I wasn’t writing enough, and created a plan.

A ritual, if you like. Or, as Lee puts it, a fetish.

I bought an old computer, dedicated solely to writing. It has no internet access, no games, no other software. I created a comfortable writing space away from the main part of the house. There are no distracting sounds, no TVs, no fridges calling me. I made a spreadsheet to keep track of daily word counts, as well as monthly and yearly totals and averages.

And I write every day.

Tired? Busy? Got home late? Don’t feel like it? Doesn’t matter. I write, and I write every day. Some good words, some average. But words. Every single day. Six months and counting, now. Not one blank cell on my spreadsheet.

Regular, accountable writing in a dedicated, comfortable space. No excuses.


I’m Steve. I’m a writer. And this is my fetish.









Steve Cameron is a Scottish/Australian writer who currently resides in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, Australia. When not writing, he teaches English at a local secondary college. Steve maintains a website at www.stevecameron.com.au












Are you a creative artist? Fancy joining in and letting us know about that special item, object, location or cosmic state of being at the heart of your creative process? There's always room for another lunatic in the asylum: email me and make your most excited Horshack noise. 

Thursday, April 02, 2015

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY GOES BABUSKHA BABUSHKA BABUSHKA YA YA

Time for another cartoon that made it all the way to the inked stage, thereby using my cartooning skills to prove what a great writer I am.

If I could find somebody to carve and paint these, I'd buy them. And give them to my granddaughter.




Friday, March 27, 2015

FETISH FRIDAY: JAMES FOLEY

I'm running a new series of guest posts throughout 2015: Fetish Friday. Don't get all sweaty in the pants—I’m going back to an older definition of the word, and asking artists to show us something that helps them with the ritual of creation, some part of their surroundings—physical or mental—that eases the path into the creative state, whether it be a location, a piece of music, person, picture, a doohickey, whatnot, curio or ornament without which the creative process would be a whole lot more difficult.



Maintaining BOC, or 'bum-on-chair', is the hardest thing for many creatives I know. It’s difficult in the morning to get started on your work and keep at it, particularly if you work from home; it’s so easy to say “Oh I’ll just make another cup of tea” or “I’ll just put this load of washing on” or “I’ll just give myself a break and play a level or three of Lego Batman”. I find my mornings are most productive when I’ve spent the evening before cleaning my desk, tying up loose ends and writing a list of tasks for the next day. Then when morning comes I sit down at the desk at an earlyish time (somewhere between 7 and 9am) and do a stretch of 60-90min focusing just on the first task on the list. I don’t check my email, I don’t check Facebook, I just keep BOC-ing. Then when I’ve worked for a stretch I can take a break, get another cup of tea, put some washing on or whatever else I wanted to distract myself with, and I won’t feel so anxious because I know I’ve already gotten started on the task. And it's much easier to get back to the task when you know you’ve already started.  

Having said all that, those productive days are few and far between. It’s much easier to have a fidgety, unfocused day than it is to have a calm, creative one, particularly if there are several deadlines looming. But if I can keep those simple behaviours in mind - clear my desk in the evening, make a plan of attack for the next day, make an early start at the biggest scariest task the next morning, and refrain from checking email or Facebook until at least morning tea - then I find the day goes smoother and I stay in the flow. 

Music is another big help. From December 2013 - January 2014 I was working full time on the illustrations for The Last Viking Returns; I worked 6 days a week for 6 weeks, from 9am to 5pm and usually later. I had a studio in Northbridge at the time and when arrived in the morning I would start up the computer, open up iTunes and listen to the same playlist. 

I picked songs that had high energy and strong beats; I wanted songs that would keep me BOC-ing and help me focus. And it worked. You can see from the number of plays of each song that I sometimes listened to it several times a day, and I still listen to it regularly. 


These upbeat songs aren’t always appropriate though; often by the time 3:30pm rolls around I’m flagging and I want something softer and more easy on the ears. I’ve got a bunch of albums saved as playlists on the left in my iTunes so I can pull up whatever compliments my mood at the time. 

Having a studio outside of home really helped too. My studio used to be on William St in Northbridge, right up near the intersection with Brisbane St, so it was far enough from the centre of Northbridge to be quiet, but close enough that I could walk down and get lunch. It got me out of the house every day; it’s easy to feel lonely when you work from home. I would park my car on the northern edge of Hyde Park every morning and walk around the lake on my way to the studio, then back again in the afternoon or evening, so I was getting a bit of exercise and a hit of nature too. All those things helped.

Now I work from a home studio, and I miss the morning and evening walks in Hyde Park, but there are good points: I have the dog for company, I can set things up however I want, and I don’t have to pay rent to a landlord for a studio that I don’t always have time to use.  

My desk is covered in figurines and inspirational quotes; I don’t always notice them, but I’ve got them there as a reminder anyway.


I remember exactly where I scored these little ninjas. It was school holidays, I was about 8, and Mum took my brother and sister and I on the train for the first time. I don’t remember what we did at our destination apart from being at the shops, and these little ninja dudes were there on a shelf. I had pocket money to spend, I bought them and I’ve had them ever since. They’ve always been on display somewhere. At one point I was even carrying around the central leader in my pocket everywhere to try and remind myself to be brave … bit daggy but it helped. Now they live on top of my monitor.

The two quotes on the monitor are from two writers - the one on the left is from Michael Wagner (who has it stuck to his monitor too), and the one on the right is from Stephen King. 


This is my favourite Calvin and Hobbes strip ever, because it’s so perfectly me when I’m not working my best. 
Asterix and Obelix are two more warrior totems, reminding me of my favourite comics by Goscinny and Uderzo. 


The viking warrior was a gift from Kris Williams at the launch of The Last Viking in 2011. 
The owl was supposedly made in India, and I bought it in an overpriced Cottesloe gift shop many years ago because I loved it. 
The plasticine figure is a gift from a super-talented boy I taught last year at Mount Hawthorn Primary. 


Another quote, and a perfect cartoon from The Big Issue’s Andrew Weldon - don’t wait for inspiration, just get on with it. 



Prints from Gavin Aung Tan, cartoonist at www.zenpencils.com. If you like these, sign up to his email list and he’ll send you them for free. 


More quotes. I love the Confucius one on the left; whether it was really him or not doesn’t matter, it’s got wit and truth about it.



More quotes. 
I bought the print at a little exhibition about 10 years ago and I don’t know who made it. I keep it there to remind me to try and have fun with my work. 





James Foley is a children’s author and illustrator. His books include In The Lion (Walker Books, 2012), The Amity Kids Adventures (2013), The Last Viking (Fremantle Press, 2011) and The Last Viking Returns (Fremantle Press, 2014).

In The Lion was selected for the International Youth Library’s White Raven list in 2013. The Last Viking won the 2012 Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators’ Crystal Kite Award, the 2012 WA Young Readers’ Hoffman Award, and a 2012 Children’s Book Council of Australia Junior Judges Award. It was shortlisted for a further four awards.

James is an ambassador for Books In Homes and Room To Read Australia, and is the current Illustrator Coordinator for SCBWI Australia West. His interests include comics, film, psychology, science, history (anything nerdy really), as well as yoga and social justice.
He has far too many books in his bedside reading pile.



Are you a creative artist? Fancy joining in and letting us know about that special item, object, location or cosmic state of being at the heart of your creative process? There's always room for another lunatic in the asylum: email me and make your most excited Horshack noise. 

Thursday, March 26, 2015

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY LOVES MISSUS THURSDAY

Today is my tenth wedding anniversary. There's a blog post on the way about my beautiful wife Lyn, and how she's changed my life for the better, irrevocably and wonderfully. But there's also this, from many a long year ago:

"I knew gold rings were a bad idea."


Love you, my darling. 

10 YEARS

10 years ago today I got lucky. Very, very lucky.

If not for Luscious, I don't know where I would be right now. She is my light, my direction, and my guide. She is my everything, and without her I would be lost.

I love you, my darling.



Wednesday, March 25, 2015

THIS MAY BE THE LAST THING I EVER WRITE, SO I BETTER MAKE IT A GOOD ONE

Holy Meatballs Mother of Brian, do I ever need this break.

You don't need to have read too much of this blog in 2015-- indeed, there hasn't been very much of it to read-- to know that I've felt under the hammer, and pretty much squashed by the hammer, for most of the year to date. Things just haven't let up for the last 3 months, and between work, editing, family life, moving into a new house, and all the other million and one bits and bobs that strike you in the face as you walk through the days, I've become increasingly stressed, and increasingly fragile. Thankfully, I'm beginning to emerge from it, but there are still a few lingering weights, and I need some time out from underneath them.

Edits of Magrit are progressing at what might kindly be called Hella pace: I've been over the manuscript 3 times in the last 2 months at the behest of my editor, and I'm reliably informed that there's only one more before the book will be ready to go to the typesetter. It's due to be published in early 2016: come to the launch and I'll happily underline for you the one line remaining from the original manuscript.....

Yeah, it's a much better book, but we both know you only come here for the comedy kvetching.

I've also, out of the insanity of my heart, committed to a new artistic enterprise: namely, building an enormous diorama for a public Lego display in October called, wait for it, Bricktober! The concept is fabulous, if I do say so myself-- a shuttle dropping crowds off on a moon surface to visit a shrine to the Unknown Spaceman. Only downside is, the shuttle itself is approximately 4 times bigger than anything I've ever built before, never mind the actual shrine. It's going to look great...... assuming I finish it...... assuming I have the skills...... assuming I haven't bitten off way more than I can chew......



Yeah, I'm not afraid to admit it: I may have been the
teeeeeeeeensiest bit over-ambitious......


This isn't even mentioning work, which is, you know, work.

Which is why the next six days are necessary. Because tomorrow, we fly out to Bali for the first time, armed with instructions on how to navigate the Waterbom water park, and which shops in Discovery Mall are best for teenage girl clothes shopping, and when best to take the Night Safari (hint: at night), and me insisting all the while that I want to go to the Archaeology Museum, dammit! and sketchbooks and notepads, and camera, and damned if I don't intend to come back sun-browned, exhausted, refreshed, recharged, and with enough material to get me writing again and not stopping until the Christmas holidays because fuck it, I'm sick of where I am and who I've become and it's time to get back to getting on with it.

Also, Luscious has never flown overseas, Master 10 was Master 3 Months the last time we flew anywhere for a family holiday, and it's bloody well time.

I've got a Thumbnail Thursday and Fetish Friday posts booked in the interim, but as far as live words go, this is me over and out for the interim. I shall return, with photos, in April.


WEDNESDAY IS TWO FINGERS DOWN THE THROAT DAY

So, tonight, in the ongoing How Has Luscious Made it to Her Mid-40s and Missed All These Classic Movies? film festival, I introduced her to the classic SF film Soylent Green.

Which got me thinking of another great movie I've seen recently.

Which got me fiddling about with Photopad.

Which lead to this :)



Why, yes. I am on a week's holiday. Why do you ask?

Friday, March 20, 2015

FETISH FRIDAY: ANDREW J. MCKIERNAN

I'm running a new series of guest posts throughout 2015: Fetish Friday. Don't get all sweaty in the pants—I’m going back to an older definition of the word, and asking artists to show us something that helps them with the ritual of creation, some part of their surroundings—physical or mental—that eases the path into the creative state, whether it be a location, a piece of music, person, picture, a doohickey, whatnot, curio or ornament without which the creative process would be a whole lot more difficult.



First up, a big thank you to Lee for inviting me to expose my fetish here on his blog. It's not everyday you get that opportunity without the threat of being arrested.

Like Lee, and I suspect a large majority of writers, I find a lot of contemplative solace in a good shower. It's one of those places where the mind becomes free, unencumbered, and some of my best ideas and lines have originated there.

I also have a few other places that have the same effect for me so, unlike Lee, I don't have to spend all day having half-a-dozen showers to avoid blocks or keep the ideas flowing. Being a home-dad, I also find meditative writing solace in: putting washing on the line; chopping vegetables for dinner; vacuuming the swimming pool; mowing the lawns; and scrubbing the shower; driving the kids to school. They're all mindless, repetitive tasks that I do on a regular basis. They allow me to switch into auto-pilot mode wherein, somewhere in the background of my mind, my subconscious can solve those pesky plot and character problems without interference from me. These things, they're all catalysts that prepare me for getting words on the page.

But, once I'm in my chair and working, what is it that keeps me going? What (or who) encourages me, congratulates me, and cheers me on from the sidelines?
Well, let me introduce you...







Hi name is Jeff Lebowski, but he's more commonly known as The Dude, or, uh, His Dudeness, or, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing. He sits right beside my monitor, always just in my field of vision, and he's never less than excited about the work I produce.

Yes, 'The Big Lebowski' is one of my favourite films, and friends and family have noticed similarities to my own lifestyle and demeanour on more than one occasion. He was a gift, from my wife, and I know by that she meant it as a kind of in-joke about myself. 

I loved the gift, I really did, but at first I saw only 'The Dude', happy with himself for having bowled a strike. He joined my other bobble-heads and collectible figures – Pinhead, Robocop, Gumby, Boba Fett, Ren & Stimpy – on the shelf and sat there a while. It wasn't until I bought a new desk and reconfigured my writing space that he ended up in his current position. I don't think I ever intended him to stay there. It was just temporary. A place to put him out of the way until I determined where everything would go.


A year later, and he's still there.
Why? Because, just look at that face! The smile and the excitement. His arms raised, as if fist-pumping yet another victory. And, as I type, the desk moves just enough that his head wobbles, constantly, in an ever encouraging nod. 

"Those words are crazy," he's saying. "Keep going! What you're writing is the most awesome thing ever... but, you know, that's just like, my opinion, man."

So, there you go. The Dude abides...right beside my desk, cheering me on with nods and smiles and triumphant fists.

I don't know about you but I take comfort in that.






Andrew J McKiernan is an author and illustrator living and working on the Central Coast of New South Wales. First published in 2007, his stories have since been short-listed for multiple Aurealis, Ditmar and Australian Shadows awards and reprinted in a number of Year's Best anthologies. He was Art Director for Aurealis magazine for 8 years and his illustrations have graced the covers and internals of a number of books and magazines. "Last Year, When We Were Young" a collection of his short stories was released in 2014 by Satalyte Publishing. http://www.andrewmckiernan.com


Are you a creative artist? Fancy joining in and letting us know about that special item, object, location or cosmic state of being at the heart of your creative process? There's always room for another lunatic in the asylum: email me and make your most excited Horshack noise. 


Thursday, March 19, 2015

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY DINES WITH THE CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT

"Timmy, would you care to say 'Grace'?"


Okay, this one might need a bit of an explanation: that's a family of vampires, and that's a typical Hammer woman-in-hazy-nightgown type victim laid out on the table, and instead of knives and forks they've got hypodermic needles.

Trust me, drawn up and inked properly, this would be hilarious


Friday, March 13, 2015

FETISH FRIDAY: LYN BATTERSBY

I'm running a new series of guest posts throughout 2015: Fetish Friday. Don't get all sweaty in the pants—I’m going back to an older definition of the word, and asking artists to show us something that helps them with the ritual of creation, some part of their surroundings—physical or mental—that eases the path into the creative state, whether it be a location, a piece of music, person, picture, a doohickey, whatnot, curio or ornament without which the creative process would be a whole lot more difficult.

This week, we welcome author and world's sexiest wife (in my utterly unbiased opinion) Lyn Battersby:

I’m at the Steel Tree café waiting for my muse. As usual, he’s late, which leaves me hugging a glass of tepid water while staring out the windows. The storms of the previous two days have fled and the café is filled with patrons desperate to escape a humidity that hovers somewhere near 90%.

I’ve chosen this café for a reason. For one thing, they provide a free glass of wine with lunch. Right now my muse claims to like wine, so I hope to entice him to our meeting by offering a generous glass of Shiraz. Sometimes this works. He’ll sit back in his chair, sip at grapes raised in Margaret River, or McLaren Vale or the Barossa, and regale me with tales that feature people he’s met living in places he alone has travelled through. Other times, however, the wine fails. My muse becomes surly, purses his lips, scowls at me through slitted eyes.

I try to talk him out of these funks. I beg, I cajole, I reason. I explain my feelings of abandonment, my need to hold him close. Sometimes, however, I try the passive-aggressive approach. I tell him that I would like to see other muses or tell him that I’ve met someone else. It’s no use. My muse has heard it all before. “They are just dalliances, they mean nothing to you. Go ahead, knit a beanie, crochet a scarf, decoupage a bedspread. It won’t last. It never does”

And then, to rub salt into an already inflamed wound, he’ll stand up, wander around and offer up stories to other writers, stories that were meant to be for me.

And he’s right, I do come back, I do offer up fresh enticements, fresh reasons for him to stay. For my muse is a muse of inconstant fetishes. What pleases him today he disdains tomorrow.

Throughout my writing career I’ve offered my muse different homes within different places. I’ve offered him new computers, new pens, new notebooks. Oh, so many notebooks. To express my love I’ve compiled mixed tapes, CDs and downloads. I’ve dazzled him with various pieces of clothing, jewellery and art.

I’ve written at specially created writing desks, at the table, on the train and in bed. Despite this, despite my constant desire to meet his desires, my muse remains unmoved. No fetish, new or old, had gone unchallenged.

Once, and I hate to admit this, I tried to bind him to my side with a voodoo doll. He took the doll, told me a story about it and then bit its head off.

And now, I’m sick of it. I haven’t called this meeting today because I want to write. I’ve called it because I want out of this destructive quasi-co-dependent relationship. I want to say ‘It’s not me, it’s you and you’re a jerk.” I want to take the hundreds of thousands of words he’s given me over the years and make him eat them, one by one. I want to make him squirm, just as he’s made me squirm via his throwaway love, his surly moods and his neglect. I want to –

Wait.

Shh.

Here he comes.


And he looks freaking awesome today.



Lyn Battersby’s short stories have appeared in various publications such as Borderlands, Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine and Electric Velocipede. When not studying for her BA in English and Creative Writing, she can be found concocting new recipes with her slow cooker. She lives in Baldivis with her beloved husband, Lee and two of their five children. She does not like cats. She does like time-travel.







Are you a creative artist? Fancy joining in and letting us know about that special item, object, location or cosmic state of being at the heart of your creative process? There's always room for another lunatic in the asylum: email me and make your most excited Horshack noise. 

Thursday, March 12, 2015

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY GIVES AN OLD JOKE A HOME

"Hello, God. It's me, Stacey. God, are you happy with your 
long-distance service provider?"


Yeah, I did the old phone spam joke. I'm not proud. I was young, and needed the money......

Sunday, March 08, 2015

YOU WILL, OSCAR, YOU WILL: THE MUSICAL

Late last I week I listened with interest as Megan Washington told JJJ listeners about the 5 songs she wished she'd written, for a regular segment of the same name I rarely catch because I'm not in the car at the time, and I don't get to listen to the radio at work. Which got me thinking, because I've written my fair share of poetry, and had some of it performed, and while I haven't yet written to music, it's lack of an outlet rather than lack of desire that's seen me turn to other pursuits. So, like any air guitar hero worth his tennis racket and dreams of I-coulda-ness despite knowing deep in my little back heart that JJJ ain't ever gonna come calling, here are 5 songs I wish I'd written:




Growing up in Rockingham during the 1980s was not, you may be surprised to hear, a psychedelic journey into the heartland of musical diversity. Surfers liked Aussie Crawl; Bogans worshipped AC/DC and the Angels if they wanted something lighter; everyone loved Chisel and Baaaaaaaaahnsie; and if you didn't like any of them you were a poofter and deserved the kicking you invariably got. Surviving High School was bad enough, but I liked Queen. I liked Bowie. I liked Adam Ant. I liked Pink Floyd and Alice Cooper. I worshipped Madness. I liked Slade, fer chrissake: what hope did I have among the Bogan Sloblords when this was the sort of thing I was grooving to?


So 1989 was a big year for me, one of the biggest. I finished High School in 1988. 1989 brought University, and an escape from Rockingham, and a widening of my personal horizons that has never, to this day, entirely abated. I discovered art, and writing, and drugs, and liberal thinking, and a whole bunch of sex tricks I'd only ever read about. I found poetry, and alternative cinema, and theatre, and music. Oh, the music. They Might be Giants and Velvet Underground and New York Dolls and the Slits and Michelle Shocked and Sinead O'Connor and on, and on, and then, in the space of a year and a bit, Guns and Roses released the Use Your Illusion double set, Metallica released the Black album, Soundgarden's Louder than Love came along, Nirvana started doing their thing, Pearl Jam were even better with Ten, Red Hot Chilli Peppers gave us Mother's Milk and Blood Sugar Sex Magik... and before all that, leading them all out and blowing my fucking mind wide open......

Faith No More. The Real Thing. And this utter, utter mind fuck of a song.  Epic. 5 minutes of machine gun insanity, lyrics spat out like a staccato street poet, banshee guitars screaming in counterpoint, and then, rising out of all that mayhem and anger and gonzo lyricism, that perfect, perfect piano, fading away into a melodious death rattle....


There is nothing about this song that isn't a sublime graffiti-poem to the death of my childhood and the effect that experiencing that tsunami orgasm of freedom had on my burgeoning consciousness. It is the anthem of my awakening, and I wish I had the art and the anger and the white-hot tiger-riding creative balls to have written it.



 

I'm a poet at heart.  That's how I started out: my first sales were all poems, and I still turn to poetry when I'm feeling dry and the words won't come. It's the same reason that my first, and greatest, artistic love is the New Wave of the late 1960s-- the whirling, skirling beats and rhythms of words and music and lines across the page that typify the period, where the rules were being broken down and re-arranged and, in so many cases, taken out to the kerb and left for passers by to take for free. Harlan Ellison and Hendrix and Roger McGough and Robert Crumb and Lester Bangs and The Pink Floyd and The Prisoner and all that artistic glory that I sucked on like a hungry baby.

Bowie is Science Fiction's greatest poet, our highest selling artist. I could unpick the lyrics of The Bewlay Brothers into any number of images, each incomplete, each one competing with the other, each one the basis for an inferior copy. It's a palimpsest, a mathom, a mosaic. It's an act of artistic bravura. It's a musical kaleidoscope, and I love its fractured imagery, its mosquito narratives. It's psychedelic nearly to the point of caricature, before it stops just short, teetering on the brink, self-aware and laughing. I could dream for such self-control, such wild-eyed abandon. It's not quite my favourite Bowie song, but it is the one I wish I'd written.


 

Ah, I do loves me a good musical narrative, and as I lack the patience and willingness to overlook bland songs and horrendous performances, my drug of choice is the concept album rather than musical theatre. One gives you The Wall and The Temptation of Alice Cooper, the other gives you The Lion King and Grease. 'Nuff said.

So, I'm a fan of the Floyd. I love the way they developed their themes through their albums, building narratives across songs so that each song built upon what came before like short stories in a perfectly-weighted collection. I love the cracked-mirror world view they espouse, the despairing intelligence, the jaundice and pain that unfolds as Roger Waters picked obsessively at his scars, creating new scar material to pick at later, until, of course, the scars built up too much and the band members turned on each other, and themselves, and the group imploded. But for 5 albums, from 1973's The Dark Side of the Moon to The Final Cut in 1983, no band in the world created such a sustained narrative. It's rock's great series, the musical equivalent to the Hobbit/Lord of the Rings or Gormenghast books: you can listen to them as stand-alones, out of sequence, if you wish, and still partake of their meaning. But you only get their true power if you read from beginning to end, in order, as the author intended.

So why this song in particular? It's the quiet at its heart. There's so much despair here, so much resignation. Whatever has been grasped for has proven out of reach, whatever has been hoped for has turned to ashes. There's no anger here, no fire. That time has passed. It's a song that deals with the aftermath of loss, with the cold, remorseless resignation that each individual tragedy goes unnoticed by the Universe, that no matter how great the story, how great the event that unfolded before, there is a tomorrow, and for the loser, that day will be cold and grey, and uncaring, It's a magnificent inversion of every narrative trope, and I've spent so much of my career trying to capture that inversion that I wish I'd just managed to write this song and get it right the first time.


 

The perfect combination of anger, logic, reason, hurt, poetry and perfect, perfect pop music.

Let's be honest: I could spend my entire career wishing I could write XTC songs. But this is the one whose lyrics resonate, whose approach sits like a slice of surgical steel in my heart. Perhaps it's because I'm an atheist, raised by a lapsed Anglican who spent as much time angry at her lapse as at the upbringing. Perhaps it's just because this song is the perfect example of the narrative art of inversion that I try so desperately to capture when I write-- to openly reinforce a status quo through the act of inverting it, or invert that status quo by appearing to agree with it. An angry denial of belief, via writing a letter to the deity you are telling of that disbelief. It's brilliant. It's perfect. I could die wishing for one-tenth of its perfection.



 

And here is the last, and amongst all the noble intentions and high-falutin' talk of narrative inversion and portmanteau lyricism and deep psychological insight, this is exactly what it is: a rip-snorting, balls-out, rollicking horror story told at a motherfucker-per-hour rush; an off-kilter shanty swimming in glee and hat-waving hold-onto-yerself foot to the pedal joy. It is, quite simply, the best romp I've ever seen set to music. Blood-soaked, laughing, drunken balladeering like it aught to be. I wish all my horror stories were this much sheer damn bloody fun. I wish I could gather this much noise and ramshackle exuberance and utter voice in one such controlled explosion. Because when it's all stripped away, the aim is to tell a story, and entertain, and sink your audience so deep into your world they forget where they are until the wander out the other end, dazed and bleeding and reaching into their pocket for the coins to take another ride. And this is the foot-stomping, beer-swinging, head-thrown-back-and-wolf-howling apotheosis of the art. Dance, motherfucker, dance!



So, there it is. Five songs I wish I'd written. Five elements of popular lyric culture that I wish I could capture in as pure, crystalline form as the artists who originated them.

It's all good, clean fun.