Are you aged 18 to 25 and living in Queensland? Decided to live a life of unparalleled luxury, with a team of underwear models following you around licking freshly-made margaritas off spare parts of your body and doing things to your naughty bits that would instantly turn your mother into one of those strange Born-again types who shout at people in shopping malls?
Well, you’re shit out of luck. I’ve been waiting thirty years, and if I’m not getting it, I’m sure as hell going to make sure you don’t get it.
On the other hand, you could enter the Queensland Young Writers Award, if you’re aged 18 to 15, live in Queensland, and can tear yourself away from Mass Effect 3 long enough to write a suitable short story before July 13.
You could win $2000 and a whole bunch of career opportunities. After all, isn’t that all we really want in life?
Because maragaritas are sticky, and make your pubes look like Jedward.