I AM BINKY THE CHRISTMAS SHEEP

You know, everyone else is doing it. Baaaaaa......

1. Do you have a real or fake Christmas tree? Fake. And seven feet tall, a foot taller than the one which finally gave out this year. That foot makes a hell of a difference.

2. Do you put up Christmas lights on the exterior of your home? Yes, and I also give apples to the homeless and run through the streets singing 'Ave Maria' in my cotton night-shift. Are you kidding me?

3. What's your favourite Christmas song/carol? Apocalypso by Mental as Anything. Santa gets boozed up and listens to the end of the world on his radio. Snurk.

4. What do you like better: turkey or ham? I have to choose? Isn't the plate big enough?

5. Do you open up any Christmas presents on Christmas Eve? Nah. I'm not the point at Christmas: it's watching the kids get excited (by kids, I mean 'including Lyn...') as they see my reaction to what they got me that's the big fun. All together on Christmas morning.

6. Have you ever been Christmas carolling? I haven't met anyone I hate that much yet.

7. What was your most memorable Christmas gift(s) that you received? Every year Lyn and the kids go out of their way to find me something froody and weird: the whole 'perfect gift' scenario. They're always brilliant.

I remember my brother getting a red vinyl copy of the Ghostbusters soundtrack when we were kids. Boy, I coveted that album.

8. What's your favourite Christmas movie? Scrooged is great. A double bill with Nightmare Before Christmas would be just about perfect Christmas fare.

9. Have you ever built a real snowman? Yup, when I was 4, the Christmas before I left the snows of Nottingham for December in Kalgoorlie... Hello, I'm Lee, I'll be your culture shock today...

10. Have you ever peeked into a present and found out what it was before Christmas? Yeah, and got caught, and was made by my Mum to wait until Christmas day and go through the whole charade of opening the presents and thanking everybody, all of whom knew I'd known what I was getting for weeks... only did it once, mind.

11. What is on the top of your Christmas tree? A Santa hat. A friend of a friend in Britain offered to make and send us a TARDIS a couple of years ago, but it seems to have got lost on the way. Still, TARDII have a tendency to do that. We really need to get something cool next year.

12. Do you own a Santa hat? Only so our tree doesn't get a cold. Next year, something cool. Promise.

13. When was the last time you had your picture taken with Santa Claus? Legally, I'm not allowed to answer that question at the moment. Fucking paparazzi.....

14. Have you started your Christmas shopping yet? Done and dusted, man.

15. Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree? Not until we found some cool fruit ones this morning while shopping for turkey.

16. Who is hardest person to buy for? This year? Luscious. The kids have got her something really cool, and it's a bitch to top.

17. Who is the easiest person to buy for? Me, but they don't let me...

18. How old were you when you realized Santa was imaginary? He still answers my letters.

19. What does your morning of Christmas routine consist of? Ugh, wha, okay, shush, don't let the kids hear, oh damn they're knocking, wait, wait, wait, ooooooohhhhhhh, okay, Come innnnnnn! What presents? Oh, those presents? No, they're for some other set of kids. No, come back Erin, it's okay, they're really for you. (20 minutes of furious paper shredding, water pistol fights and the occasional 'thank you') What's for breakfast?

20. Egg nog? No, I always walk like this.

21. What do you want for Christmas this year? An email from the agent saying "Sounds good, we'll represent you". The collection actually having a real release date that actually exists in the actual real universe. This universe. A convention asking me if I'd like to be their Guest of Honour. Failing that, food, drink, cool stuff. I'm easy.