TWEET TWEET

• Christmas Day + gout = the innate understanding that I am now a teetotaller.
• Help me: I'm waist deep in a pile of Disney Princess dolls, Wii games, guitars, omnitrixes, twist ties and wrapping paper, and I can't move!
• The Colbert Xmas Special: Willie Nelson singing about the 4th Wise Man giving a gift of dope to the baby Jesus-- comic fucking GENIUS
• Boxing Day: traditionally when Masters rewarded servants. We gave the kids their presents today. Coincidence?
• Half time, Man U/Stoke nil-all, me listing what I'm unsatisfied with in my life and want to change: 45001 unsatisfied people in my house
• Short version: too fat, too unfit, too not-novelist, too poor, too shoddy house, too crap gardens. Action plan seems somewhat obvious...
• On the other hand, you all look great! Especially you.